why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Randomize
