Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
