You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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