Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize