there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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