Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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