Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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