So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
