Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
