sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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