I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Porn is love you can see.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize