Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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