I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
