dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
