So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
