My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
