drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you will always have a special place in my vag
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
