u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
