Your mouth is God's brothel.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
two words: eviction party
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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