I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
where am i from again
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize