It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
