I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
