I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
