why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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