so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
not ubering you a puppy
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
