I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize