with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
