Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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