Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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