i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
