so explain again why im purple
no
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
