Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
