i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i was born a porn star she said
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
