I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
