Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
