did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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