Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
