hotel room ftw
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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