We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
