Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
