Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
