Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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