Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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