whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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