So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
