I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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