I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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