I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
