:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
