im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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