whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
no you cant smoke seaweed
she peed on how many people?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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