I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize