I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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