I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
