i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
