okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
