She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
