I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
