this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
