Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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