drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
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