It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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