No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
