do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
