like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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