there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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