Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
