I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
