we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
