It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize