I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
