Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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