YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
