Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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