you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
so much tequila, so little girl.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
