Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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