Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
