That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
