Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
