Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
