Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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