I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I faked an abortion last night.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
