she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
