I didn't shave. On purpose
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize