If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
