In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
