You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
