He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I need water and some morals
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
