Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
