dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
