I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
