Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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