just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
