i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
