Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
