he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
