Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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