If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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