Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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