"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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