The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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