I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
