There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
